Spike: Hang on. Did you hear something?
Sebastian: I hear only the cacophonous clamor of my own failure.
–Spike: A Dark Place, Part One (Season 9, No. 1), script by Victor Gischler
Now that I’m getting toward the end of this over-a-year-long project of getting my finances in order, selling my house, and changing the ways I spend my time, I’m realizing why so many people don’t walk away from the big things they know are making them unhappy. It’s a lot of work, and right now I have no idea how all of this is going to turn out. While I’m looking at places to live and packing, my feelings of victory are tempered by the knowledge that I have as much potential to screw things up as I do to make them shine.
I’m trying to focus on the fact that the key word in that last sentence is potential. It may run in all directions, but I have a lot of it. I am fortunate to have as many choices as I do, I am fortunate to have so much to do, and I am fortunate to be surrounded by friends and family and colleagues who help me along, no matter what I’ve gotten myself into.
One of the many things I learned from my parents is that at any time in your life, you can stop, get rid of what’s not working, keep what is, and walk less encumbered into something new. I have watched both my parents pick up and start over multiple times, and they’re both out there now encouraging me to take a risk and try, the way they always have.
And so that’s what I’m doing when I’m not posting here.
Also, Lucas turned thirteen today. Officially a teenager. So in addition to changing my life today, I will be eating cake.
Everything is better with cake.