Some People Approach 40 and Decide to Change Their Hair Color

But that’s for wimps.

Me? I move and get a new job and set my couch on fire.

Burning the couch is going to go down as one of Tammy and Adrienne’s great moments, and Ron refused to help us because he said it was a waste of time. Pshaw, Ron. Pshaw.

I didn’t get any photos of us getting the couch into the pickup truck, which is a shame, because that was definitely the most amusing part of the story. As soon as Tammy came into the house with the kids, Benny hid under the couch because omigosh it was just too much. Also too much? The weight of the couch. It had two recliners in it and was very, very heavy–almost too heavy for Tammy and I to move, so it is a good thing that Lucas has gotten big and was there to help. Once we were actually moving the couch, Benny spent an unhappy minute trying to scoot himself along so as to remain under the couch before he gave up and ran away to the basement.There's a Lot of Cool Stuff at Tam's Parents' House

I should have also gotten a photo of the couch tied into the pickup truck with a piece of frayed twine that shouldn’t have held for the drive out to Tammy’s parents, even though it did.

Tam’s parents live on a lot of land out in the country, where it’s still aok to burn things you don’t want. I grew up in this environment, and it wasn’t until I was well into my 20s that I learned the shocking truth that there are places in this world where it’s illegal to burn trash in your own backyard. I see the sense in it, but it’s also a shame, because I always did enjoy setting a fire. More on that in a minute.

Anyway, when we got to Tammy’s parents’, we put the couch in the payloader.

I Really Wanted to Drive the Payloader

Because, yes, Tammy’s dad has a payloader.

Have I Mentioned How I Took Lu to See fun. for His 13th Birthday Because I Totally Rock Godmothering?

I know. I’m totally jealous, too.

Obviously, Tam’s dad had a pile of stuff he wanted to burn already started, because that’s how things work in Kent. Tam’s dad drove the couch back, dumped it on the pile, and then he and Tam tried to start the fire. I watched this until Tam’s dad gave up and went to get some gasoline. Once he was out of sight, I was like, “Hey, can I try?” So Tam handed me the matches, and I had that thing going in about a minute. I should maybe put “burning things” under skills on my resume.


Sixty seconds later, I started worrying about when Tam’s dad was coming back and whether or not we had a plan should the woods catch on fire.

This is When I Started to Worry About the Fire

If you are so inclined, you can see/hear a video of me not quite sure how to react to the destruction I had so happily wrought.

You’ll be glad to know that we didn’t inadvertently set WNY on fire, but we did successfully put an end to the couch. I was surprised at the way even the metal crumbled. Maxwell was all, “Some of the flames are blue! Some of the flames are green!” And we were like, “Stay back. Don’t get in the smoke. No, really, stay back.”

And then it was gone.

It's Gone

I was pretty exhausted after all this. It was more emotionally draining than physically, although certainly Tammy and I did some work hauling that thing around. I, for one, have been hauling it around in my soul for years. I wish I could say that I got home and spent some time reflecting or quietly packing up my house, but instead I drank a little more than was necessary, had a good cry, and texted a few of the people I love most in the world to make sure they were still there.

And they were.


  1. cheri
    Posted November 25, 2012 at 4:25 pm | Permalink

    Didn’t get texted, but I know I’m loved and I don’t do texts, so you’re forgiven. A fitting end for the couch and the emotions. We don’t need things to remember. Someone wise said that. I think it was you. God bless you, Adrienne, and the best of luck in your new apartment.

  2. Jone
    Posted November 25, 2012 at 5:20 pm | Permalink

    What a hoot and yet poignant to rid yourself of something that has weighted your soul. I think it would be fun to burn trash.

  3. adrienne
    Posted November 25, 2012 at 5:48 pm | Permalink

    Cheri, Thank you, and if I texted everyone I love that night, I’d probably still be texting. :) I am very fortunate.

    Jone, Yes, it is so fun to burn trash, especially if it’s trash you’re really, really ready to get rid of.

  4. Posted November 25, 2012 at 6:21 pm | Permalink

    If you shook one of your Magic 8 Balls right as you did this, it would have undoubtedly say, “GO FOR IT.”

  5. adrienne
    Posted November 25, 2012 at 6:22 pm | Permalink


    Of course, now I have them all packed away. I’m just having to wing it for another week without their guidance.

  6. Posted November 25, 2012 at 7:46 pm | Permalink

    Sweetie, I’m just going to change the color of my hair. ☺

    Catharsis. Welcome to the rest of your life.

  7. adrienne
    Posted November 25, 2012 at 7:56 pm | Permalink

    I bet you’ll do more than that, Tanita. And thanks.

  8. Posted November 25, 2012 at 9:53 pm | Permalink

    “Burning Down the Couch” is going through my head to to tune of “Burning Down the House.”

  9. adrienne
    Posted November 25, 2012 at 10:10 pm | Permalink

    Farida, I seriously considered making that the title of this post. I had three I was debating.

  10. Tonderdo
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 12:28 am | Permalink

    Do highlights count as changing hair color?
    That couch has weighed on me as well, I’ve wanted to burn it for years. My dad driving the pay loader around was bonus points.
    Also that beat up old dump truck holds some of my fondest & scariest memories so I’m glad you got a picture. Nothing like seeing the world literally spin out of control from the cab of an antique dump truck.

  11. jp
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 10:48 am | Permalink

    Epic. Wish I could’ve been there.

  12. adrienne
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 11:01 am | Permalink

    Tam, I love those highlights. If I weren’t so lackadaisical about getting my hair cut, I’d probably get some, too. Maybe in a few years.

    Thanks so much for helping me burn that couch. I think we all had fun with it. I’m sorry Ron didn’t come.

    Jason, It completely was, and you would have LOVED it. Next time.

  13. jp
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 10:06 am | Permalink

    I hope there’s not a next time for couch burning! I don’t want to think of what you’d have to go through to warrant that again :). But if you’re burning anything, really, feel free to invite me.

  14. adrienne
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 10:25 am | Permalink

    Maybe I could burn something to take care of that other business I’ve had going on. Hm. I’ll think on that, but actually the truth is I’m not at all ready to be done with that other business.

Post a Comment

Your email is never shared. Required fields are marked *