But that’s for wimps.
Me? I move and get a new job and set my couch on fire.
Burning the couch is going to go down as one of Tammy and Adrienne’s great moments, and Ron refused to help us because he said it was a waste of time. Pshaw, Ron. Pshaw.
I didn’t get any photos of us getting the couch into the pickup truck, which is a shame, because that was definitely the most amusing part of the story. As soon as Tammy came into the house with the kids, Benny hid under the couch because omigosh it was just too much. Also too much? The weight of the couch. It had two recliners in it and was very, very heavy–almost too heavy for Tammy and I to move, so it is a good thing that Lucas has gotten big and was there to help. Once we were actually moving the couch, Benny spent an unhappy minute trying to scoot himself along so as to remain under the couch before he gave up and ran away to the basement.
I should have also gotten a photo of the couch tied into the pickup truck with a piece of frayed twine that shouldn’t have held for the drive out to Tammy’s parents, even though it did.
Tam’s parents live on a lot of land out in the country, where it’s still aok to burn things you don’t want. I grew up in this environment, and it wasn’t until I was well into my 20s that I learned the shocking truth that there are places in this world where it’s illegal to burn trash in your own backyard. I see the sense in it, but it’s also a shame, because I always did enjoy setting a fire. More on that in a minute.
Anyway, when we got to Tammy’s parents’, we put the couch in the payloader.
Because, yes, Tammy’s dad has a payloader.
I know. I’m totally jealous, too.
Obviously, Tam’s dad had a pile of stuff he wanted to burn already started, because that’s how things work in Kent. Tam’s dad drove the couch back, dumped it on the pile, and then he and Tam tried to start the fire. I watched this until Tam’s dad gave up and went to get some gasoline. Once he was out of sight, I was like, “Hey, can I try?” So Tam handed me the matches, and I had that thing going in about a minute. I should maybe put “burning things” under skills on my resume.
Sixty seconds later, I started worrying about when Tam’s dad was coming back and whether or not we had a plan should the woods catch on fire.
If you are so inclined, you can see/hear a video of me not quite sure how to react to the destruction I had so happily wrought.
You’ll be glad to know that we didn’t inadvertently set WNY on fire, but we did successfully put an end to the couch. I was surprised at the way even the metal crumbled. Maxwell was all, “Some of the flames are blue! Some of the flames are green!” And we were like, “Stay back. Don’t get in the smoke. No, really, stay back.”
And then it was gone.
I was pretty exhausted after all this. It was more emotionally draining than physically, although certainly Tammy and I did some work hauling that thing around. I, for one, have been hauling it around in my soul for years. I wish I could say that I got home and spent some time reflecting or quietly packing up my house, but instead I drank a little more than was necessary, had a good cry, and texted a few of the people I love most in the world to make sure they were still there.
And they were.