It’s only over the last couple days that I’ve had enough mental space to have an emotional reaction to everything, and what I am doing is having all the emotions. I’ll be sitting on the couch feeling content and happy, reading or whatever, and then I’ll look up and think, Holy shit, how did all this happen? Sometimes I feel like getting lamps for this place is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, mostly because it will involve getting in the car and going to more than one store. Then I’ll spend some time doing some unpacking or whatever and feel like I’m basically an unstoppable force everyone should be terrified of.
It seems like my emotions have nothing to do with what’s actually going on and a lot more to do with a bunch of things that happened at other times. Mostly, I think I’m a little disoriented, trying to figure out new routines and still unpacking and needing to get things to make the place comfortable that I don’t want to go out and get because it’s Christmastime and the stores are all terrifyingly full of people.
Benny, on the other hand, seems to be adjusting.
He and Ella aren’t exactly best buddies or anything, but Ella tolerates Benny sitting near her lately, which is new.
It’s pretty bad when Ella and Benny are more well-adjusted than I am.
At this point, I’m really looking forward to Christmas. It’s four days off with no plans aside from my usual shenanigans with Tammy, Ron, Lucas, and Max, and that is exactly what I need right now, a little bit of slowing down and smelling the cookies baking.
Speaking of which, I have a Christmas party to go to. I’ve been looking forward to that, too.