Max: Adrienne, do you have a boyfriend?
Me: No.
Max: Have you had any boyfriends?
Me: I’ve had a few.
Max: Did they die, like Uncle Brian?
Me: No, last I knew, they’re all alive.
Max: What happened to them then?
Me: We all moved on with our lives. This is an odd line of questioning. What makes you ask?
Max: Just wondering.… Read the rest
Max: Adrienne, I just have one more thing to tell you.
Me: I have my doubts about that.
Max: Yeah, I have my doubts about that, too.… Read the rest
When you hang out with other humans on a regular basis, particularly kids, you start incorporating weird little habits into your routine that only make sense to the people involved.
Or is that just because Lucas, Maxwell, and I are odd?
Anyway, I thought I’d record some of ours.
Every Friday, we start our car ride to school by listening to Rebecca Black’s “Friday” a few times. We use this as an opportunity to yell at the song, shouting things like “We got the idea the first time you said that!” and “There’s no room in the front … Read the rest
Max: Life is unfair.
Me: Yes it is, but what makes you say so?
Max: Lucas didn’t rinse out the sink after he brushed his teeth, and that was unfair, so life is unfair.
Me: How do you continue on in a world where that happened?
Max: Well, sometimes we get to go to Seabreeze.… Read the rest
Max: If everyone in my family died, I would die.
Me: Not necessarily. You get really sad when people you love die. It is really hard. But you are very, very strong. You would be all right.
Max: Adrienne, can anything kill your soul?
Me: No, Baby, nothing can kill your soul. Nothing. Especially not yours.
Max: Hmmm, but do you think that God makes your soul a new body after you die?
Me: I don’t really know. Some people think so, and some people think your soul stays with God in heaven. What do you think?
Max: I don’t … Read the rest
Max: You know what I like about when the trees are covered with snow in the winter?
Me: No, what do you like about when trees are covered with snow in the winter?
Max: You can make them into traps.
Max: You know those days when you just want to stay home and sleep and not do anything?
Me: Do I ever, Baby.
Max: I love those days.
Max: Okay, now I’m going to tell you a joke. Guess what?
Me: What?
Max: You aren’t supposed to say “What.”
Me: Oh.
Max: Let’s try again: Guess what?
Me: What?
Max: … Read the rest
Max: You can’t take away my my space game.
Me: What? I can TOTALLY take away your space game.
Max: No you can’t.
Me: Yes I can.
Max: No you can’t.
Me: Yes. I. Can.
Max: No you can’t.
Me: Can.
Max: Can’t.
Me: I’m bigger, and I’m older, and I have a car. I win.
Max: Fine. Just don’t, though.
Max: Did you know that angels are nice?
Me: As I understand it, some of them are.
Max: You know why?
Me: No, why?
Max: Well, because when the angel came to tell Mary that she was going to … Read the rest
Max: You will sit next to me.
Me: Oh no.
Lucas: That doesn’t sound good.
Max: Why?
Me: Maybe you’ll kick me like when I sat next to you at Hugo.
Lucas: I wouldn’t worry about that. I’d worry about him eating your flesh.
Max: I don’t eat flesh!
Lucas: Then why did you EAT MY FACE? AAAARRRRRGGGGGG! MY FACE!!! MY FACE!!! WHERE DID IT GO?!?!?!?
[5 minute-long argument ensued about whether or not Maxwell had, in fact, eaten Lucas's face. I left for that part.]
Max: If we didn’t get rid of the leaves every year, there would … Read the rest
Max: Today I am praying for Lucas. And cats. Usually I only pray for cats and God.
Me: Why do you pray for cats?
Max: Because people kill them for their fur. Wild cats, that is. They kill them and make them into coats, and that is not nice.
Me: No, that’s not nice.
Max: I pray for God because that’s just what we do.
Me: So what do you think we should eat on Thanksgiving this year?
Max: Turkey? And Gatorade.
Me: [I made a face to convey my strong feelings about Gatorade, which Maxwell chose to ignore.] Anything … Read the rest
Max: “Adrienne, how do you spell ‘a’?”
Me: “What?”
Max: “How do you spell ‘a’?”
Me: “A?”
Max: “A.”
Me: “Well, it’s A. Just A. The letter A.”
Max: “Just one A?”
Me: “Yeah.”
Max: “Oh. I wish I had a camera that takes real pictures.”
Max: “Wouldn’t it be funny if you married your mother?”
Me: “Well, I don’t think so. I love my mother, but I don’t want to marry her.”
Max: “I’m glad your mother Michele isn’t dead.”
Me: “I am also glad that my mother Michele isn’t dead.”
Max: “But your husband’s … Read the rest
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