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July 01, 2007
Recurring Nightmares
“I just find it amusing that you came from somewhere.”
-Marcella in Grosse Pointe Blank
When I made the decision to graduate high school a year early, my chemistry teacher became fond of telling the entire class how I was going to live to regret not sticking around to take physics. Little did he know that I had no intention of taking physics had I stayed, and all I have retained from my year in chemistry is a recurring nightmare in which I am forced to go back to high school to take physics. I enjoyed high school while I was there, but, as I told one of my fellow alumni at our fifteen year reunion last night, that’s only because I had no idea that there were alternatives. Now, when I have my physics nightmare, I wake up in a panic and have to tell myself over and over that it wasn’t real.
The reunion was fun, though.
I’m still close to a couple people from the class of ’92, but I haven’t seen most of them since I graduated in ’91. We had very small classes, but, seriously, I didn’t even recognize some people. One of my classmates told me that she had studied the yearbook before she came to the mixer Friday night, which was brilliant. I’m a librarian; I should have thought of that. The weekend’s events turned out to be a great way to get some time with Terri, who I hardly ever get to see. Back in the day, we lived up the street from each other, we had our lockers right next to each other, and I spent most of the summer at her house every year. She’s one of those friends who I don’t get to talk to a lot, but we invariably always have a lot to say when we do. At the mixer on Friday night, we had a very Terri-and-Adrienne moment where we were standing off to the side kind of watching the various groups of people talking:
Me: We should probably mingle.
Terri: Yeah, we should.
Me: Yeah.
Terri: … [Staring at drink]
Me: … [Swirling around ice in drink]
[Both laughing]
We did finally decide to mingle. It was weird to talk to people who I haven’t seen in years who know things about me, like one of my classmates who was teasing me about how I used to love to have my picture taken (which is true but also very much NOT the case now). I was talking to another classmate about how crazy it was that Brian and I just decided to go out and get married when we were nineteen, and she was like, “Well, that’s how you make all your decisions, right? You’re impulsive” (which is still true). I had a few weird widow moments, which I expected. My favorite was one of my classmates who acknowledged Brian’s death and then said, “Well, you look beautiful!” People always worry about saying the wrong thing in these situations, so I feel that it is my duty to tell you that this is one of the right things to say.
For a small community, Kendall has managed to produce an odd number of people who have gone on to be extraordinarily interesting adults. One of my classmates is, for instance, a toy designer and another told us about his experience dropping bombs from a B-52 in Afghanistan (an activity I don’t particularly support, but it was definitely an interesting conversation). People asked me questions about my book. Being a naturally opportunistic self-promoter, I was like, “Oh, it’s not a novel or anything, just a book about homeschooling.” Then I’d make a face, but, no, they still acted interested. I got to talking to Gunnur, who is a teacher in Iceland, and she told me that homeschooling is illegal there, which I didn’t know. (It’s surprising to me how many countries don’t allow homeschooling.) People are always surprised at how many people from school I’ve stayed close to and how many I see on an at least semi-regular basis, but I don’t understand how one could know people like this and give them up entirely. I have never regretted leaving high school early, but seeing my former classmates again was surprisingly fun, probably because there were no science labs involved. Come to think of it, that probably would have improved my high school experience as a whole....
Posted by adrienne at July 1, 2007 11:35 AM
Comments
There should be a whole list of globally-acknowledged right things to say regarding the death of a loved-one. These days, my first reaction is to burst into tears. I don't actually do it for the simple reason that it's not helpful-- at that moment, it's about that person's loss, not my own-- but the sensation behind my eyes is there.
I wish I had gotten it together early on to move through grade school quickly. I had such a miserable time that I thought I was going to have to spend extra years in high school. I'm never going to my high school reunion unless I'm paid a significant honorarium to speak about my successes. Hah!
Posted by: Alkelda at July 1, 2007 12:05 PM
I left high school early, too. And I was SO glad I did. But I still have happy memories of high school, and love to write about high school, so obviously I wasn't too scarred.
But I have zero interest in ever going to a reunion EVER. Done is done.
So I admire you for going--especially since you had no idea ahead of time what your weird widow moment might be. Sounds like you handled it light a champ!
Posted by: Robin Brande at July 1, 2007 01:01 PM
I love this sentence: "People are always surprised at how many people from school I’ve stayed close to and how many I see on an at least semi-regular basis, but I don’t understand how one could know people like this and give them up entirely." I'm still friends with a number of people from high school (although they mostly live far away from me), and I think it gives context for my life. Like, they've known me for so long that it I don't have to explain anything, or try to impress, or whatever. Thanks for the window into our reunion experience.
Posted by: Jen Robinson at July 1, 2007 05:01 PM
I can't imagine going to two 15yr. class reunions, that's got to really be a trip!! I forgot that you were originally with the class of 92.It sounds like you handled your widowhood moment just fine, and you are beautiful Adrienne, inside and out!I have my 40th coming up in Aug. and I'm a little leary about it, but I'll bone up by looking at the yearbook beforehand, good idea!
Posted by: Bri's Mom at July 1, 2007 06:27 PM
Alkelda, I totally understood the way people would burst into tears in front of me when my husband first died. At least in that case, when someone dies young, it flies in the face of what most of us expect of life. It's jarring, even when it's not someone you know directly. Several teenagers were killed in a terrible car wreck last week on the east side of Rochester, and I didn't know them in any way, but the whole thing gave me that hollow feeling in my chest, you know? It just shouldn't be. It's hard to know how to process it.
Alkelda and Robin, I totally get not going to a reunion, too. I have to say that if I had to travel to go, I probably wouldn't, but I still live right here (and, in this case, know the organizers really well -- they would have collectively kicked my butt if I'd tried to skip it).
Jen, It's true that I feel comfortable around my friends from Kendall in a way that I don't around most other people. I'm an odd duck, and they already know it. I don't have to pretend that I'm normal, even a little.
Linda, Thanks! :) Your reunion cruise sounds like it will be totally fun. I'd definitely go.
Posted by: adrienne at July 1, 2007 08:59 PM
Friendships to me are a lot like sunrises; I mostly avoid them out of habit, but never regret it when I allow myself to be a part of them.
I admire people like you who can keep a network of friends, I really don’t have the bandwidth for more than a few really forgiving friends who don’t mind that I may be incommunicado for months at a time.
Posted by: chuck at July 1, 2007 11:39 PM