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May 13, 2008
I’m Not Sure I’d Ever Clean Any of the Floors in My House if My Cat Didn’t Periodically Throw Up on Them
Tonight I made a trellis with netting and stakes for some of my bean plants. This involved the use of two tools—a hammer and a staple gun. I am not sure that I have ever even held a staple gun before today, and it look me a while to figure out how to use it. *I* am the reason the company etched “EXIT” into the metal with a big arrow pointing to where the staples come out, because for a while I was afraid to pick up the staple gun, as I wasn’t at all sure that I wouldn’t grab it in the exact spot where the staples come out and wind up impaling my hand.
The second problem was that it took me a while to figure out that there weren’t any staples in the staple gun. *I* am the reason the first item on the manual’s troubleshooting page suggests checking to make sure that the staple gun is loaded.
Don’t even get me started on loading the staple gun. I managed it after, like, ten minutes, when I consulted the manual. Again.
I am not a builder. The trellis is crooked, and I have grave concerns about what might become of it if we were to have a sudden windstorm. Still, I managed it, and I don’t want to say this too loudly, but it was kind of fun.
I’ve also grown kind of fond of the staple gun. I shouted the first time I made a staple come out of it, but then, I laughed.
Posted by adrienne at May 13, 2008 09:46 PM
Comments
I see you're taking your headlines up a notch. :)
And did you know you can use a staple gun to hem pants?
*I* am the reason GPS systems exist, BTW.
Posted by: Sara at May 14, 2008 12:40 PM
Yes, I'm learning my lesson about headlines from the McSweeney's RSS feed. ;)
Not that it wasn't already clear that there's something a little wrong with me, but GPS systems confuse me more than they help me. I dislike the way they're always talking and giving distances I can't really gauge. I've only been in their presence a few times, but they make me anxious.
Posted by: adrienne at May 14, 2008 05:28 PM
I don't know if you watch "The Simpsons," but there's this episode in which Homer has to build something in the backyard, a big something -- I forget what -- and he gets so frustrated and angry that he's out there d'oh!ing, risking his life, making a big tangled mess, screaming in frustration. Of course it's funny, though my description of it isn't.
That might have been the episode in which he screamed, "Oh, cruel Fate! Why do you mock me!", though I could be wrong about that.
Okay, so I just got curious now and did a bit of research and remembered: He was building a BBQ (or trying to, rather), and here was the end result: http://bp2.blogger.com/_snss6u0-WRI/Rh7zKZ5RBOI/AAAAAAAAANo/xUjjTcyJm-M/s1600-h/homer-bbq6.jpg
That's me when having to build ANYthing. The first problem is that I LOATHE reading directions/instructions. Stupid, I know.
When I have to build anything slightly complicated, it turns out like that image, pretty much.
This post made me laugh out loud. I'm glad you got your trellis built.
Plus, the title is the Best. Post. Title. Ever.
Posted by: jules at May 15, 2008 10:08 AM
I love The Simpsons, but I haven't seen that ep. I clearly must find it.
I also hate reading instructions (aside from recipes); manuals completely stress me out. Usually I can get through reading maybe two steps and am like, "No way." Then I go read something reasonable, like a novel or Entertainment Weekly. I'm going to have to build a couple more trellises, but I think I'm going to see if I can convince someone to come help me out with it. I think they'll turn out better and trying to hold the stake/netting while simultaneously staple-gunning seems dangerous.
Posted by: adrienne at May 15, 2008 12:46 PM
My GPS unit doesn't talk to me at all, thankfully, but it has a lot of features I'm totally confused by. It was a lifesaver to have in Portugal, but I've not really felt much need for it here in the US (although more than once I've forgotten it and wished I'd at least had the option to use it). One thing that confused the hell out of me at first though was that in certain modes, it changes orientation when you change direction. This was really difficult to accept, but then I got used to it and kind of like it. I do the same thing with paper maps, so that eased the transition. The real difference of course is that the screen on the GPS is like 2" by 3" versus paper which is lots bigger. It's hard to see where you are going to be in a half hour on the GPS without lots of tedious scrolling.
I'm glad you verbalized your success with the staple gun.
Posted by: Jeffrey Lee at May 16, 2008 12:20 AM
Maybe you can turn the voice off on some of these other ones. I hadn't thought of that, as the only ones I've seen are other people's. I could see where it would have been useful to have a GPS on the Midwestern Extravaganza. Jason and I spent a great deal of time lost in the Midwest (Illinois was particularly troublesome, as I recall--confusing state).
Posted by: adrienne at May 16, 2008 06:57 AM
I had the exact same reaction to a staple gun just a few weeks ago when I decided to build a cage over my strawberry patch! It was kind of a thrill to feel that heavy kerchunk in my hand. It was so fun, I decided I wanted to try my husband's power drill. Even better! I loved it! Then I moved onto the chainsaw and terrified myself. I think I'll stick with the staple gun and drill. Less limbs can come off that way.
Posted by: Jenny at May 17, 2008 10:11 AM
Jenny, I think that the reason chainsaws are so frequently employed in horror films is because you have to be a little bit crazy to use one. ;)
Posted by: adrienne at May 17, 2008 12:08 PM
The title of this post made me think of Holly. Sad and strange, right?
Posted by: Little Willow at May 18, 2008 07:03 PM
Oh, anyone who has ever loved a cat understands why that would be. I hope you thought of some good memories. :)
Posted by: adrienne at May 18, 2008 09:40 PM