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June 05, 2008
Queen Amidala’s Diary, The Prequel, Part 9
[Ed. Note: When we last left the queen, she was attempting to recover from a kidnapping, a botched rescue, dry hair, and occasional lapses in judgment. On the bright side, Amidala was able to rope the Gungans into helping her kick the Trade Federation off Naboo. You can read more of Queen Amidala’s diary here.]
Long Time Ago
Naboo
calories: 580, alcohol units: 2, cans hair spray: 0, winning lotto numbers: I can’t find a place to buy a ticket.
When I was in Queen School, one of my teachers told me that great leaders are made, not born.
What a load of Bantha-crap. When I was on Coruscant, I heard that the queens on all the other planets are born queens and get to rule until they die. No one elects them, and no one expects them to do anything. I mean, what the hell? I have to do every-freaking-thing around here.
So I called the royal nail lady to get a quick mani-pedi before we retake the palace, and she was all, “We’re under siege. Do you really think this is the best time for a manicure?” And I was like, “I know I’m good with a blaster and everything, but do you know how seriously people take a queen with chipped polish? Not a bit, that’s how much.”
She still said no.
So now all the history books are going to be like, “And Queen Amidala led her army of smelly Gungans into battle looking like crap, which is why she finally got voted out of office.”
Great. Just great.
The Viceroy of the Trade Federation is going to pay for this.
Posted by adrienne at June 5, 2008 04:28 PM
Comments
Ooh, I am so glad Amidala's back. I've missed her.
Posted by: eisha at June 6, 2008 09:33 PM
Ha ha! Good one!
Posted by: jp at June 7, 2008 09:21 AM
I'm hoping we'll be hearing more from Amidala soon.
Posted by: adrienne at June 8, 2008 05:13 PM